My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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