ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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