there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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