Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize