Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
