I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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