Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
