I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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