In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
