I got chris browned last night
how can u be prego again
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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