I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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