Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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