She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
