I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
