Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Bring me that man meat
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
