I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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