took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize