did you get engaged???
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
