WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
