I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
