My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
