Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
