i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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