I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
