She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
