found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
