i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize