"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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