Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
