I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
