I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize