ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
