So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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