My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
