i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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