He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
