So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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