is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
