just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize