He uses pillows to masturbate.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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