i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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