I will die if light touches me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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