i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
