dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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