my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
