i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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