Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
