I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
