you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
