He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
