why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
