think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
