Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
