She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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