I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm bleeding and have questions
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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