I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
