I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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