oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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