they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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