I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
