I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
