i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
either way he was missing a nipple.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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