I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
