come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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