so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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