Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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