can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
