between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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