Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
