I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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