I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
