Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
