i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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