woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize