People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
