I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
