Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize