He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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