Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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