Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
