Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
