RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
