So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
