You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
