Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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