that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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