Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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