Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
