Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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