still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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