This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
