I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
