Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
